Are you looking the wrong way?

If we are always focussed on the negatives in our lives then ultimately, that's how we will feel.

When we fall into a rut or hit a hurdle (perhaps even a few in succession), it's easy to wonder, "Why do I have all the bad luck?" 

Sometimes the effects of a crisis linger for far longer than they should and it's often for a very simple reason - We have become so fixated and "zoomed in" on the negatives of the situation that we completely blind ourselves to any possible way out. It's a vicious cycle and at worst, it can set us on a free fall that can be difficult to arrest. We need to make sure that we don't become preoccupied on the negatives, and one way that we can do this is to distract ourselves from the problem at hand.

One example of this that many of us might be familiar with is when you have a fight with a partner or friend. It might be at home, in a restaurant or in the car, but there's usually that moment of awkward silence when you're negative thoughts about the fight are flying around and around in your head. But, then your partner or friend pulls a stupid face or makes a joke, and almost instantly the mood swings from negative to positive. It might take more than one funny face, but before you know it the distraction disrupts the negative thoughts and you can start to turn around your thoughts and mood and you might even forget what you were fighting over in the first place.

You may have heard of the term "Phantom pain". It's a neurological condition that affects amputees. We feel pain in a limb that's not there. For me it's more often an itch I literally can't scratch, it drives me crazy! It varies in severity from person to person but can be extremely debilitating. 

Last week I went swimming for the first time in a long time. Later that night when I was lying in bed, I had the worst phantom pain I've ever had before. I think the feeling of being weightless and kicking my legs in the water might have fired up the nerve endings in my leg. The pain was in my right foot and it felt as though someone was stabbing me with a long sharp knife. Every 2 minutes...bang! My leg would flinch from the shooting pain in a foot that didn't exist! It's the strangest feeling.

This went on for hours and when there was no way I could get to sleep, I decided that enough was enough. I jumped up (after I popped on my legs), boiled the kettle, filled up a hot water bottle and went back to bed. I took off the cover and placed it on my opposite thigh. It was a little hot but the heat distracted me from focussing solely on my right leg, and in turn, it reduced both the pain and the frequency of the phantom pain. Finally, I could nod off to sleep.

Sometimes by focussing on something other than the problem at hand, we can distract ourselves enough to reduce the problem's severity. When we we are preoccupied with the problem and it's symptoms, it can intensify and compound it. Focussing on other things can distract us for long enough to find a solution or gain perspective, giving ourselves a far greater chance of overcoming it.

Some issues are certainly harder to ignore than others. Be mindful when smaller, trivial matters or problems take up more of your time and energy than they're worth and begin to affect how you feel. 

Change it up and refocus your energy on a solution!

Remember, if we are always focussed on the negatives in our lives then ultimately, that's how we will feel.
                       

  "Creating a distraction will ease the severity of the symptom!"

                                                                      

Mike Rolls

Speaker * Survivor

Connect with me today @

www.mikerolls.com.au

Linkedin

Facebook

Twitter

Break out of the "Comparison Funk"

We are taught many lessons throughout our lives. We learn every day through education, our careers, relationships, social lives... I believe the most valuable lessons we can learn are through our tougher life experiences and hardships.

One debilitating habit that needs to be stamped out and left behind for good, is comparing ourselves and our circumstances to others. It's perfectly normal and even beneficial to look up to, admire and even idolise others. It can push us to better ourselves, keep us focussed and even instil stronger life values and self belief. However, be careful not to make unfair comparisons between your own situation and that of the "looked up to", "admired" and "idolised". Comparisons can turn into disappointment, demotivation and sometimes even jealousy and trick us into focussing on the wrong areas all together. You'll never be the same as someone else, but you can be just as good in your own way!

The truth is, we can't possibly be the best at every endeavour and we're all at various stages of a lengthy journey. It's simply unfair, to compare.

Let me share a story about the early stages of my rehabilitation. A young guy who was the same age as me at the time (18) was admitted to rehab a few weeks after I arrived. He'd come off his dirt bike travelling at 140kmh wearing shorts and a singlet. Broken ankle, arm, jaw and he'd lost his right leg below the knee. I remember thinking how lucky he was to be alive. I also remember watching him churn through his rehab program like a champion and literally within days, he was up standing on his new leg.

I remember comparing that to my own situation where just trying to sit upright for 5 minutes without throwing up was a massive challenge. Within a couple of weeks he was riding the exercise bike, walking with a stick... then without a stick. Finally he was discharged and free to go home just over 3 weeks after arriving... 3 weeks!

Meanwhile, my own progress seemed like it was non-existent and while I was inspired by his determination and happy to see him doing so well, it made me feel helpless. The light at the end of the tunnel I was trying so hard to focus on dimmed and the sobering realisation of how far behind him I really was hit me with force.

I remember how negativity crept into my mind when I was comparing our vastly different situations. I wanted to accelerate my return to health, what I required was patience. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't even transfer from a wheelchair to a damn car yet. I wanted to walk, but I had to get the hang of being upright first.

I made the decision to focus on myself and my own situation for what it was. I refocussed, concentrated on small goals and worked hard to get there.  It may have taken weeks, months even, to see any progress but I did get there. Sitting, standing...walking, my progress became something I valued. No longer comparing myself with anyone lifted my progression and mindset and it was easier than you might think.

Here's 3 easy steps to break out of a "Comparison funk" and shift back into a more positive, productive mindset:

* Be selfish - Focus on yourself for a while, on your own strengths. Constantly focussing on the things others do and things we don't control will be to our detriment.

* Quit comparing - Get out of the "grass is greener" mindset. Use those comparisons as inspiration to trigger action, not jealousy!

* Carve your own path - A brilliant quote I read recently from Ralph Waldo Emerson, a 19th century poet who was seen as a champion of individualism, reads " Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail" Says it all really...

Don't be afraid to walk a unique path. It's great to model yourself on the success stories of others but be your own success story, take risks and when you fall, don't be afraid to jump straight back up!

You can get there - make the only variable "when", never "if"

Mike Rolls

Speaker * Survivor

www.mikerolls.com.au

Connect with Mike!

Linkedin

Facebook

Twitter

Eliminate complaints, increase positivity.

"Nothing ever works for me!" "Why can't my life be easier?" "I wish things were different..."

We all know them and we all avoid them...The Serial Complainer!
No matter what the circumstance, they're unhappy with something, anything, everything and they don't mind letting the world know about it either (several times over).

First up, let's define what a complaint is by definition:

To express dissatisfaction or annoyance about something

There are differing opinions on the effects of complaining. Some psychologists believe in the emotional relief it provides, while others believe that ultimately, we end up with decreased mood.

Neuro-scientific research suggests that we become more negative ourselves when we are subjected to a long winded gripe session. Sometimes, the only way around it is to create distance between the complainer and the complainee.

If that's not an option and you can't walk away, i.e. work colleague, family member, siamese twin, then perhaps simply ask them the question "What are you going to do about it?" They might walk away and take their complaints to someone else (win) or they might actually come up with a solution ( bigger win).

We all have things in our lives that we could complain about, seek sympathy or attention for. This is the reason why we complain in the first place isn't it?
But people are busy and spare time is too precious to spend on negativity. It drags us down and we end up dreading any impending interaction we have with that person in the future - our subconscious lets out a large groan while consciously, we plan to, well, make other plans...

I don't want to sound overly negative myself, but do you fit the description above? Be honest... do you?
If you answered 'yes' then don't worry - what's wonderful, is that we can all change and it isn't as hard as you might think.

Life as a double amputee comes with it's challenges, but I learnt very early on about the dangers of complaining. Not only does it have the ability to drag others down around you, it can be detrimental for your own mental wellbeing as it extinguishes hope and can become habitual.

You may have come across various "Complaining challenges" - where you don't complain for 7 days, 2 weeks or 21 days...
Although they sound a little "gimmicky" the thought process behind them is sound, with overwhelming positive results from participants.

Here's 3 simple steps to injecting some better vibes into your life:

• Awareness - Be aware and mindful of what and how you speak in your everyday conversations. Every time you slip - pinch yourself...hard! It will condition you to stop complaining.
• Remedy - Now that you are aware of the magnitude - replace those usual complaints that pop out with constructive solutions instead. For example: "I hate the cold weather" turns into "I hate the cold weather but it's nice to know I don't have leprosy" Kidding, but you get the idea! Follow a gripe with a solution or positive, productive finish.
• Benefits - Think about the positives your new found "complaint free" existence has brought you. You no longer sweat the small stuff and you're practically a master capable of taking on any challenge! Well, perhaps not just yet but you'll get there.

And lastly, just remember that somebody, somewhere, has got it a lot tougher than you...

Mike Rolls

Speaker * Survivor

Connect with Mike 

Linkedin

Facebook

Twitter

Winning isn't everything, but trying to win is.

"Winning isn't everything, BUT trying to win is"

When I was younger I remember hearing it all the time; At athletics days, swimming carnivals and weekend sports. Anywhere where there was any form of competition.

I have a problem with this saying. Here's why...

When we don't demand a persons absolute best effort, we ingrain an attitude that a mediocre performance is enough. It isn't. 

There is nothing more frustrating than seeing someone give up. Australia is an incredibly proud sporting nation - throwing in the towel goes against our culture. Saying winning isn't everything may make someone feel better in the short term, but does damage in the long term. This isn't only in relation to sport either. An academic pursuit,a career goal, a life long dream, all of these require a persons very best effort to achieve.

A determined and unwavering "effort" in all pursuits is critical behaviour that is essential in moulding a competitive life ethic, especially in our younger generations. If we are accepting mediocre performances, the will and desire we desperately need for our careers and professional lives won't mature into what it should and needs to be.

In any work place, it would be fair to assume that you wouldn't get a pat on the back for producing sub standard work. You might be reprimanded or even worse, lose your job. There is an expectation of excellence, anything less won't have you scaling the heights of the company ladder. 

Out of all the traits displayed by highly successful humans, athletes, professionals and leaders, determination and drive is, in my opinion, by far the most important. The ability to embrace  challenges and face them head on with a healthy level of gusto is crucial!

I believe that without stubborn determination and a "never say die - fight to the finish mindset", I would have had a very different outcome when fighting Meningococcal disease at the age of 18.

Having a competitive mindset is the essential ingredient to achieving difficult, worthwhile goals. 

I've always had a strong desire to win in anything I tried. I believe that desire translated on a pure level into my ability to fight when I was more likely to die than live. A profound will kicked in, just as it did when I was losing in tennis, under the pump playing football or a few strokes behind in a round of golf. When you have a fierce winning mindset, your thoughts don't allow in negativity, it becomes simple - succeed, fight and persist at all costs.

Sure, I agree that winning isn't everything. We will all fail at some point. But we can't be forgiven for a lack of effort, there really isn't any excuse.

Fight for what you want and fight hard because if you do, regardless of the result, there will be no regrets. 

    Mike Rolls

Speaker * Survivor

www.mikerolls.com.au

Find your "Upside"

Hey! If you think this blog would benefit your networks, please share :)

Bulletproof Body Image

I was both surprised and saddened to hear that according to the Mission Australia youth survey 2013, body image is the third greatest area of concern for young people aged between 11 and 25 in Australia. A massive 42.1% of females indicated that body image was a major concern.

What is body image?

"Body image is your attitude towards your body - how you see yourself, how you think and feel about the way you look and how you think others perceive you. Your body image can be influenced by your own beliefs and attitudes as well as those of society, the media and peer groups."

So how do we become happier, prouder and more confident in our bodies?

Those who ridicule others by the way they look do so out of insecurity and are threatened by the differences of others. One of the most empowering things we can all do is to embrace our differences and uniqueness and be proud of them. Differences are what makes life interesting - they add diversity and character to individuals. One of the most debilitating things we can do is make comparisons with others - it's a massive mistake.

We all have elements of ourselves that aren't exactly the way we would like. In todays society, there is a real emphasis placed on "perfection" thanks to television, magazines and media. The reality is entirely different because nobody is perfect, if there were such a thing as the perfect person then we would have a benchmark for perfection. We all have flaws, we might dislike certain things about ourselves that others adore about us and without them, we simply wouldn't be us. Our perception of ourselves might be entirely different to the perception of others and we are the harshest of critics.

Growing up, I don't have too many memories of feeling concerned, embarrassed or anxious about my body. Perhaps my skinny legs were the only thing I occasionally found myself being self conscious about. Ironically, those skinny legs are now gone and have been replaced by even skinnier metallic prosthetics that look nothing like the flesh and bone that were once there. As one little girl recently said, "Look Mummy! It's a robot-skeleton!"

How do I accept and embrace this unique and often confronting appearance? How do I walk around in shorts with any sort of confidence? It might seem unrealistic to some, but I love it!

Looking at others and comparing myself in any way would be a fruitless exercise. They're not going to grow back, so I have learnt to embrace them, be proud of them and look at them as a reminder that they are now just a part of what makes me ME.

We each get one body, so we must learn to love it in order to focus on a more productive, positive existence. Here are 3 simple ways we can all learn to love our bodies:

1.  Own yourself - Learn to like what you see in the mirror. Own the quirks and differences that make you unique and differentiate you from the crowds. Project confidence by being proud and comfortable in your own skin

2.  Be kind - Be kind to your body, nourish it with the right foods and exercise regularly.

3.  Ignore ignorance - I know it is easier said than done, but we need to try to understand that when others say unkind things about our appearance, it's a flaw on their side, not ours.

Move forward with confidence, embrace what makes you different and flaunt it to the world rather than hiding it away.

Mike Rolls

Speaker | Survivor

www.mikerolls.com.au

Find your "Upside"

Amputate dead weight

It's important to reassess areas of our lives from time to time. We have regular check ups. Blood pressure, teeth, cars, house security...  is it too much to ask that we give our lives as a whole a much needed tune up?
Sometimes we need to cut off areas of our lives that no longer serve us, or worse, are taking us down a path that is detrimental to our long term health and wellbeing.

In 2009 was forced to make a choice. I had to decide what to do about my troublesome left leg, I had an infection and needed some form of surgery. While there were many options and opinions on what I should do, I took the drastic option to cut it off. This wasn't supported by doctors as a first option but I needed to take control. I could see the difficulties the other surgeries would bring as well as the value a second leg amputation (giving me two prosthetic legs) would provide me. I could finally move on with confidence and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now I use a similar method to take care of all areas of my life. Here is how we can all actively amputate dead weight.

First, write a list:
Include everything from your regular commitments, how you choose to spend your free time, habitual behaviours, relationships (professional and personal) foods you eat regularly etc. Basically anything that is a consistent part of your life.

Second, categorise your list:
Think about each item and ask yourself honestly, "does this add or subtract from my life?"
Now place either a plus or a minus next to each item.

Third, identify dead weight:
Look carefully at the negatives. Imagine what your life would be like if you eliminated these things that are clearly detracting from it.

Fourth, Commit to the cull.
Make a decision to remove this negative influence from your life once and for all. Shut the door on that element, making room for newer, more positive things in it's place.

Sometimes we are aware certain things aren't good for us, but we continue on as normal, put up with them and hope they eventually sort themselves out. Cutting negatives from your life, taking control and making difficult but necessary decisions is not only beneficial, but empowering and motivating as well.

In 2009, I cut off my second leg below the knee.

I chose to 'amputate dead weight' that was a threat to my future wellbeing.  I refused to drag around this dead weight any longer - I decided to set myself free.

What parts of your life can you cut off, that will set you free?

Mike Rolls

Speaker * Survivor

www.mikerolls.com.au

Find your "Upside"

89 Storeys in 5 paragraphs!

A few weeks ago I was asked to be an ambassador for this years "Eureka Climb" An event that supports 2 amazing charities, Whitelion and Interplast. The Eureka tower is a massive 297 metres high, 89 storeys and 1622 steps in total. Each year thousands of participants take the challenge and get behind this worthwhile initiative.

Initially I was a little apprehensive as I hadn't done any type of stair training and it was less than 2 weeks till the launch day (which the ambassadors would climb at) for corporate partners and sponsors. I'm a massive believer in simply "having a go" so I agreed and made a promise to myself that unless I was physically unable to go on, i.e: I had a leg issue or the like... that I would give it my absolute best shot.

The event launch day arrived and we all gathered around the bottom in preparation for the climb, it was wonderful to meet some of the fellow ambassadors including professional tower climber Mark Bourne and Tristan Miller, an inspirational guy, who in 2010 completed an incredible 52 marathons in 52 weeks!

Off we went, of course I let Mark go before me as I didn't want to upset him by beating him to the top! As the crew slowly disappeared up the stairwell, I began my ascent. I started with 10 floors without a break, then stopped to catch my breath. It was hard to breathe in the confined stairwell but after a minute or so, I was ready to roll again. I thought I'd bang out another 10 storeys, however this time I only managed 7. 17 down, only 72 to go - easy right? I started to get into the groove of things and slowly but surely I was making progress. The halfway point!! Level 45! By this stage I felt very alone. The chatter and panting of the other climbers in front had long disappeared. I wondered, were they finished? How long had I been going? I continued, sweating, heaving. My legs were burning but the pain was manageable and I embraced it. The thought of giving up never entered my mind, even if I was there all day I was going to finish. Finally, two more flights to go, then just one. The final few steps were the best and possibly the easiest of all - I'd made it! Last place by a mile but the feeling of completing it was more than enough. Stoked!

There were times during the climb where it would have been easier to say "well, at least I got half way" and jump in the lift, but that mentality is defeatist and doesn't serve us well. Finding ways to push on as opposed to looking for an out will give us the greatest sense of achievement. Taking that easy option, avoiding a little pain or discomfort may be appealing in the immediate sense, but how beneficial will it be long term? How will it serve us when we are faced with tough moments or decisions in the future?

Fight on through difficult times and reap the rewards!

Mike Rolls 

Speaker * Survivor

Find your "Upside"
www.mikerolls.com.au