"Nothing ever works for me!" "Why can't my life be easier?" "I wish things were different..."
We all know them and we all avoid them...The Serial Complainer!
No matter what the circumstance, they're unhappy with something, anything, everything and they don't mind letting the world know about it either (several times over).
First up, let's define what a complaint is by definition:
To express dissatisfaction or annoyance about something
There are differing opinions on the effects of complaining. Some psychologists believe in the emotional relief it provides, while others believe that ultimately, we end up with decreased mood.
Neuro-scientific research suggests that we become more negative ourselves when we are subjected to a long winded gripe session. Sometimes, the only way around it is to create distance between the complainer and the complainee.
If that's not an option and you can't walk away, i.e. work colleague, family member, siamese twin, then perhaps simply ask them the question "What are you going to do about it?" They might walk away and take their complaints to someone else (win) or they might actually come up with a solution ( bigger win).
We all have things in our lives that we could complain about, seek sympathy or attention for. This is the reason why we complain in the first place isn't it?
But people are busy and spare time is too precious to spend on negativity. It drags us down and we end up dreading any impending interaction we have with that person in the future - our subconscious lets out a large groan while consciously, we plan to, well, make other plans...
I don't want to sound overly negative myself, but do you fit the description above? Be honest... do you?
If you answered 'yes' then don't worry - what's wonderful, is that we can all change and it isn't as hard as you might think.
Life as a double amputee comes with it's challenges, but I learnt very early on about the dangers of complaining. Not only does it have the ability to drag others down around you, it can be detrimental for your own mental wellbeing as it extinguishes hope and can become habitual.
You may have come across various "Complaining challenges" - where you don't complain for 7 days, 2 weeks or 21 days...
Although they sound a little "gimmicky" the thought process behind them is sound, with overwhelming positive results from participants.
Here's 3 simple steps to injecting some better vibes into your life:
- Awareness - Be aware and mindful of what and how you speak in your everyday conversations. Every time you slip - pinch yourself...hard! It will condition you to stop complaining.
- Remedy - Now that you are aware of the magnitude - replace those usual complaints that pop out with constructive solutions instead. For example: "I hate the cold weather" turns into "I hate the cold weather but it's nice to know I don't have leprosy" Kidding, but you get the idea! Follow a gripe with a solution or positive, productive finish.
- Benefits - Think about the positives your new found "complaint free" existence has brought you. You no longer sweat the small stuff and you're practically a master capable of taking on any challenge! Well, perhaps not just yet but you'll get there.
And lastly, just remember that somebody, somewhere, has got it a lot tougher than you...
Mike Rolls
Speaker * Survivor
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